Miscalculation
by Tokiya
Summary: Small things do add up. Little incidents during their handcuffs episodes. FemRyuzaki.
1. Bedtime

Warnings: Female L.

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Bedtime**

The normally levelheaded Yagami Light was now trembling with a complicate mixture of emotions that he would rather not identify. After more than a month of strict confinement, today he was finally released only to be ushered into a random car, driven to who-knows-where by his own father, and threatened with a half-family suicide by said father. These situations were completely understandable and acceptable considering all the hints and evidences pointing towards him and Amane. He was even grateful for the chance given to him by the famous detective L to join the investigation again. Still, things were starting to take a toll on his mentality, especially the problem he was facing now in their designated bedroom.

"Ryuzaki, what's the meaning of _this_?"

With both hands stuffed in the pockets of her jeans, the detective merely glanced at him curiously with her dark-rimmed eyes.

"This?"

He pointed an accusing finger at the object before both of them with obvious animosity. "This!"

In contrast to her disturbed companion, L just slightly tilted her head. "It's just a bed, Light-kun."

That was the last straw. "And _that_ 's the problem! Why is there only _one_ bed instead of two!?"

The dark-eyed detective calmly raised her right hand to indicate the handcuffs that were binding them together. "Obviously, it can't be helped."

"Obviously, this is totally inappropriate! We aren't even couples!"

"It's for the sake of the investigation."

"Some matters should be compromised!"

He was instantly met with a flat reply. "I do not compromise anything concerning my investigation."

"Don't you have any shreds of the dignity of a lady?"

"I do have priorities. Besides, I believe there will be no misconduct in Light-kun's manners."

"Argh!" At this pace, they were going nowhere. "Alright." He proceeded to the king-sized bed and grabbed a long pillow before throwing it at the center of the mattress. The chain of the handcuffs swung loudly during the whole process, its noise grating his ears and his already worn nerves. "No crossing this line."

Ryuzaki's expression subtly changed into what he would define as her version of raising an eyebrow as one corner of her lips lifted in amusement. "Fretting too much is bad for your health, you know?"

It took almost all of his willpower to refrain himself from commenting that caring too little was even more unhealthy. Now all Light wanted to do after such a long, arduous day was to sink into the mattress and lose himself to oblivion. Unfortunately, life was not done with tormenting him yet.

"…Ryuzaki, how are we going to take a shower?"


	2. Somniloquy

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Somniloquy**

Yagami Light was considered by the educational standard of Japan as a genius at his age. Not only his comments had helped the police solve several cases during the past few years, also it was rumoured that he had achieved perfect scores in all subjects of the entrance exam of Todai. With his intelligence and personality, he had gotten by life with relative ease. However, his peaceful, albeit boring, days seemed to have come to an end since the day Kira started his genocide, and at this moment Light thought he might be facing one of the biggest predicaments in his short life – a sleeping Ryuzaki.

To be more specific, the source of his mental stress was dozing away on the couch in her trademark sitting pose – _the tomtit pose_ as secretly nicknamed by Matsuda. This would not have been his business at all if it had been any other time of the day, but the clock had long struck past one in the morning, and he really needed some quality sleep. Unfortunately, he was chained to this unladylike young woman, who was definitely not moving anywhere near their shared bed. After uncharacteristically cursing things in general, his dreary mind had come up with three options:

One, just follow suit and try sleeping on the other couch.

Two, lie on the floor instead and try to make himself as comfortable as possible.

Or three, move the object of his distress to the bed so he could sleep like a normal person.

The last choice, which seemed the least silly of the three, would not have been so awkward for Light if he and his current cause of agony had not been exchanging punches and kicks unsparingly during the day. Even in retrospect, he still could not understand why he had acted in such an uncourteous and childish manner. He had always prided himself on always taking rational actions, but with just several words of resignation from Ryuzaki, he had seen red.

With a huge sigh, Light shook his head and simply gave up thinking. Things had never been simple for him whenever Ryuzaki was concerned, and thus it would be pointless to be stubborn and sacrifice any more good sleep. As he lifted the sleeping detective up as gently as he could, it struck him that she was way lighter than she looked in her baggy clothes. Where in the world had all those insane amount of sugars she consumed daily gone? This newly discovered fact served as a painful reminder that Ryuzaki was just a young woman after all, and no matter what his excuses had been, any act of violence had been unarguably unacceptable; the bruises on her pale cheeks were still visible even in a pale moonlight.

"I'm sorry…" His voice was no more than a soft whisper.

"Light-kun…"

Light almost dropped the woman in his arms.

"…Are you going to eat that cake?"

...Maybe he should not have regretted punching this sugar-dependent being too much.

* * *

The next day found the renowned detective L tilting her unruly head in perplexity.

"Light-kun, what's this cake all of the sudden?"

"Let's call it a truce, Ryuzaki."

L refrained from pointing out that his cheeks were a little bit redder than his average colour. "Then you can have the strawberry."


	3. Selfishness

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Selfishness**

" _Ryuzaki, were you testing me if I would choose the police or here?"_

"… _Yes, I was."_

" _Now I know it for sure that I really don't like you and your way of doing things!"_

As far as Light had witnessed, these had been some of the last words exchanged between Ryuzaki and Aizawa before the latter left their investigation team supposedly for good. Throughout the whole incident, in contrast to his father and Matsuda's desperate attempt to persuade Aizawa to stay, the detective not only had been calm and nonchalant as always but also had deliberately chosen words that would provoke him to leave. To anyone else's eyes, this might make her seem heartless and uncaring, but Light thought he might know better.

Even with her back turned to him, it had not escaped his notice that she was gripping her knees with more force than usual.

Why had Ryuzaki intentionally made a choice that would hurt both who she had considered, at least in his opinion, as a comrade _and_ herself? This just made no sense at all.

Although this question kept bothering him for the rest of the day, he forced himself to wait patiently until Ryuzaki called it a day. Even long after the others had gone back to their respective quarters for some decent rest, as if to solidify his speculation, the detective with an exorbitant sweet tooth was still absentmindedly rearranging a myriad of colorful macaroons Watari had brought an hour ago. After a few moments of observing how her nimble fingers were playing idly with the sweets, she seemed to notice his gaze.

Her dark-rimmed eyes were still fixed on the macaroons, and her voice was as flat as always. "Is there anything I can help you with, Light-kun?"

"…Ryuzaki, why?" _Why did you choose such misleading words? Why did you intentionally hurt Aizawa's feeling? Why did you hurt yourself?_

Although he left his question unfinished, she seemed to understand its meaning anyway for her hands stopped midair before being lowered to her knees.

"I was just being selfish. That's all."

His brows creased in irritation. "Ryuzaki!"

The silence that ensued was so long that Light thought he might not get any more words from her on this subject. Just when he was about to get up and propose that they should go to sleep already, she elaborated her answer.

"It's just that… I didn't want to risk destroying what I never had and never will have."

Her explanation caught him by surprise. "And that is?"

"A family."

This single word washed through him like a cold wave. What she had done to Aizawa had nothing to do with loyalty or money; a happy family, once broken, could not be mended by any monetary or material support. As Light realized that he was seeing a rare display of her human side, the meaning and implications of her answer weighed him down considerably, and before he could think, his mouth moved on its own.

"You have Watari-san. Besides, at least until the Kira case is closed, I'm with you."

Ryuzaki instantly stiffened at his words as a strange sort of silence fell between them. Now Light very much felt like punching his treacherous mouth. Much to his surprise, although these words had come out on their own, he realized then that he truly meant what he had said. What if Ryuzaki merely took his words as hollow encouragement or even bitter sarcasm?

After keeping him waiting in anxiety for almost a minute, the detective finally turned to him, revealing what he least expected: a genuine smile.

"Thank you, Light-kun."

If Light was not being too optimistic, he thought there was a hint of warmth underneath her usual matter-of-fact tone.

He smiled back. "You're welcome."


	4. Comfort

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Comfort**

The clock in the central room almost ticked past midnight, its little sound resonating away quietly. With almost everyone gone to bed, there were only him and Ryuzaki left, of which the latter was wordlessly passing her eyes through some material and thinking who-knows-what. The silence suited him just fine though; at the moment, his mind was clouded by the gloomy consideration of Ryuzaki's hypothesis.

Could it possibly be that he himself was really the previous Kira?

Of course, Light had absolutely no memories of murdering anyone, but the problem was what he _remembered_ : the bus hijacking, Raye Penber, and Naomi Misora. This chain of incidents seemed too unnatural to be dismissed as a mere coincidence. Moreover, from his discourse with Misora, he had learned that Kira might be able to kill people with something other than a heart failure. Why had he not considered this possibility more seriously before? Had he really lost his memories as a mass murderer?

"…kun."

With all his conscience, he would very much like to deny this hypothesis, but there seemed to be something missing, a thin veil over his memory, and lately, this dreadful thought was coming across his mind more and more often.

"…ght-kun."

Was he just overthinking things?

"Light-kun."

"?"

After blinking a few times, Light almost had a heart attack. Ryuzaki's pale face was at a _very_ uncomfortable distance from his, her dark-rimmed eyes staring at him inquisitively.

"!?"

Almost jumping out of his skin, he managed to literally jump out of the chair and fall onto the floor, taking down with him the unfortunate detective in the process. Mentally cursing the blasted handcuffs, he tried to recover from the impact and get up as quickly as possible, but to no avail. Now they must be making quite a sight: the world-class detective and the top student of Japan lying in a heap on the cold floor in this vast, empty room.

"That hurt, Light-kun."

Light instantly fumed at the flat reprimand coming from on top of him. Not only was the cause of this humiliation totally unfazed by the situation, it seemed she also had no intention of getting up anytime soon. He tried to keep his voice as calm as he could though. "What were you doing?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you. I've been calling your name for the past three minutes."

"…Have you ever heard of the concept of personal space?"

"I was just concerned. What were you so immersed in?"

Groaning mentally, he rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Nothing of importance. I was just a little… tired."

Ryuzaki became quiet for a moment, probably considering whether to pursue further explanations. Now that Light had relatively calmed down, he suddenly became aware of the faint rhythms of her heartbeat and the curious scent of her shampoo; he had never noticed that there were vanilla-scented amenities in the bathroom. He would rather drink Ryuzaki's horrifyingly sweetened coffee than admit this to anyone, but this unexpected situation was becoming a bit oddly comforting.

"Do you want a hug?" Her voice was as monotone as always.

This sudden change in conversation almost gave him another heart attack. Suddenly, it occurred to him how silly this whole incident was. Feeling lightened up somewhat, he laughed and shook his head.

"No, but can we stay like this for another minute?"

Her unruly hair tickled his neck as she tilted her head in consideration. "…Alright, but this is getting a bit uncomfortable."

His lips curved into a small smile as he patted her back. Maybe Ryuzaki was actually more endearing than she appeared to be.

Little did Light know that he might be the very cause of her death.


	5. Sleeplessness

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Sleeplessness**

" _Should something happen to me, would you succeed the title L?"_

" _Ryuzaki, do I really look like someone who would become a mass murderer after the current Kira is caught?"_

" _Yes, you do."_

Even after they had turned off the light and gone to bed, their conversation, which had led to a fight earlier today, was still fresh in his mind. Light had tried to be sincere as much as he could when asking the question, but to no avail. Ryuzaki's answer, or rather denial, had been readily given in her usual emotionless way.

As he had known from the start of their complicate relationship, there had been no such things as trust or friendship between them; the handcuffs were the very manifestation of the nature of their acquaintance. Still, it had stung a bit that although they seemed to have opened up to each other for a little, the detective's opinion of him had not changed in the least. What irritated him even more was himself for being absurd enough to let this fact disturb him. Since when had he been so irrational as to cause a fight over such a trivial thing?

With an exhausted sigh, he turned to the other side where his object of contemplation was. Ryuzaki was lying on her side with her back to the only window in their room. Now in her sleep, she looked so peaceful it was quite hard to believe that this was the same person that had fought him eye-to-eye. The faint bruise on her cheek was still visible, and before he knew it, his hand moved on its own accord.

Just before his fingers reached her face, her eyes slowly opened. "Can't sleep?"

He did not answer, gingerly touching her bruised cheek instead. "Does it still hurt?"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"You were just doing your job."

"And, as a suspect, you were just defending yourself. We both went a bit too far. That's all there is to it."

"But…"

Placing her hand over his on her face, she cut him off. "There's something I'd like to clarify, though."

Her touch was featherlight, and her hand was cold. With her back against the window, it was difficult to discern any expressions from her shadowed silhouette, so he devoted his full attention to her voice instead.

After a pregnant pause, she continued, "There's an absolute line between my public and private affairs. When it comes to my cases, it doesn't matter at all how I personally think or feel." With that, she closed her eyes and removed his hand from her face before turning to the other side. "The reverse also applies, though. That's all I can say right now."

Her last words struck him speechless. Before he could recover, she tugged the blanket over her head, announcing the end of their conversation.

"Good night, Light-kun."

After a few moments, the rhythmic movement of her blanket indicated that she had drifted away into sleep, leaving him wide-awake with her final statement.

"Damn it…"

Light rolled onto his back and placed his hand over his tired eyes, his mind busy trying to decide what she had really meant to convey and what he should make of it.

It was needless to say that he laid awake long into the night.


	6. Justice

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Justice**

"I'll discuss the details with you tomorrow. Good night, Misa-san."

Misa's cheerful reply could still be heard even after Ryuzaki had shut the door. Wordlessly, the detective stuffed her hands in her pockets and headed for the stairs. Light sighed mentally and followed her, relieved that finally he was released from being subjected to the idol's overflowing buoyancy. Honestly, he was not in the mood to good-naturedly tolerate her excessive jovialness and unrestrained expression of affection. When they reached an empty corridor, he called out to her.

"Ryuzaki."

The detective stopped and turned around, her hands still in her jeans pocket. "Yes?"

Even after all that had happened today, she still looked as composed and apathetic as any other day. After witnessing Yotsuba's meeting, splitting the investigation team, convincing Misa to lend a hand in the investigation, and being forced to join Ryuzaki's side, he had had enough for a single day. What bothered him the most was that the detective had prioritized catching Kira over saving the lives of uninvolved individuals listed in the abominable meeting.

"Why didn't you hesitate in the least to risk the lives of the innocent?"

Her immediate reply suggested that she had expected the question. "Because, in the end, more lives will be saved."

"But shouldn't we prevent unnecessary sacrifices as much as possible?"

"What matters most is the overall outcome, not our temporary complacency."

Now he was beyond frustrated. "Isn't that just like Kira!? Would you selfishly sacrifice others' lives just for your own cause?"

At his harsh words, her eyes widened for a fraction of a second before her expression became completely blank. Light immediately regretted letting his irritation take over and widening the already large gap between them. They stared at each other in heavy silence for a long moment. Finally, Ryuzaki turned her back to him and resumed walking.

"It's late now. We should get some rest."

Light flinched at her voice. If her tone had been flat before, now it was completely void of any emotions. Shaking himself out of stupor, he hastily reached out and grabbed her arms before turning her around to face him again.

"Ryuzaki!"

"Yes?"

"I…"

Light knew he had gone too far, but the words still refused to come out. Somehow, he had a feeling that by apologizing here, he would be denying a significant part of himself, something fundamental that formed the basis of his being.

She seemed to hear his unspoken apology anyway. Her eyes softened for a bit as she said softly, "The one and only thing I care about is justice. "

Justice. Of all things, why did she have to bring up this controversial issue? What she was going to say piqued his curiosity, though. "So are you saying that other things don't matter at all?"

She shook her head. "It's just that they have lower priorities."

He thought about Kira and their investigation team, the criminals and the victims, and the twisted society they were living in. "Even though not all people can be saved by justice?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation.

"Why?"

"Because the power of justice surpasses that of anything else."

"What do you mean by power? Strength? Authority?"

Looking straight into his eyes, she replied with her usual nonchalance, "No, it's _kindness_."

His eyes widened at her answer, which was given instantly with such conviction as to leave him speechless. He had never thought of the concept in such a way, and now he felt guilty for accusing and comparing her with Kira. It was true that sometimes she went to extreme measures in her investigation. However, underlying all that boldness, intelligence, and maturity was probably one of the purest hearts he had ever encountered.

Maybe fatigue was getting to him, or his rational mind might not be functioning properly at the moment. Now all that came to his mind was that in this accursed world, where people and things were getting more and more corrupted, he wished that she would always remain this way, and, if possible, he wanted to be by her side to make sure of that.

Light rarely acted on impulses, but now he was doing just that, pulling her into his arms. Ryuzaki stiffened in his spontaneous embrace, and for once, it seemed she had no idea how to respond.

"Don't ever change, Ryuzaki. Never."

He did not know how much time had passed until he could feel her relax in his arms. Tentatively circling her arms around his back, she laid her head on his shoulder and thus effectively hid any expressions from his sight.

"I hope you don't, either." Her words were barely a whisper, and if his ears were not deceiving him, he thought he could hear a trace of desperateness in her voice.

Tightening his arms around her, he gave her no answer.


	7. Misdirection

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Misdirection**

After worrying the members of the Kira investigation team for half a day, especially his father and Matsuda, Misa finally returned from her interview with Yotsuba group with a triumphant smile and proudly declared her primary success in Ryuzaki's plan. Her mood suddenly flipped over though when she was informed that her part in the investigation had just been ended by their majority vote, and Ryuzaki, who was unfortunately the closest in her vicinity, became the receiving end of her righteous indignation.

Intervening her physical attack on the poor detective, Light tried to placate the angry idol. "Misa, this is all for your own safety. It's too dangerous for you to be involved any further."

"Well, if Light says so, I guess it couldn't be helped."

Something seemed a little bit off here, but he could not place a finger on what it was exactly. Why did Misa comply so obediently with only a few words of concern from him? Until just recently, no matter how hard he had objected her participation with the same reason, he could not budge her resolve to be of use to him in the least. Before he could think any further, the girl headed for the exit, stating that she had an early work tomorrow. Just as the blonde was about to disappear around the door, she turned around with a pretty smile.

"Would you like to sleep with me tonight?"

His head suddenly throbbed. "…What are you saying, Misa?"

"I know, I know. Wait until Kira is caught, right? You don't have to be so shy, Light." With that, she merrily bounced out of the room.

"…" Light closed his eyes and tiredly rubbed the bridge of his nose. Just when would Misa understand that although he appreciated her friendship very much, he absolutely had and would have no such feelings for her?

The detective sitting beside him and sipping her coffee was not helping, either. "You don't have to be so shy, Light-kun."

Exasperated, he retorted promptly, "I'm by all means not being shy."

She just glanced at him before returning her attention to the monitor. "Don't get so serious, Light-kun."

That was the last straw. Behind his good-natured mask, he was so fed up with ardent declarations of love from Misa and everyone's misconception that he might actually be harboring some affection for the girl. Somehow, it was especially irritating for Ryuzaki of all people to be making such a joke. Suddenly feeling a childish urge for retaliation, his mouth moved before he could consider the consequence. "Besides, I'd rather sleep with _you_ than her."

The sweet-tooth detective merely put her coffee down and calmly added some more cube sugars into the cup. "Well, we're already sleeping together every night."

His infantile anger instantly deflated. "…Oh right."

The sound of his poor father choking violently on his drink was a grave reminder that they were not alone. With such a misleading conversation, everyone in the room might already have misunderstood them and whatever relationship they had.

"Light, I'd like to have a word with you afterward." He could not recall the last time his father had been so deadly serious as he was now. Groaning mentally, he noticed that the corner of her lips was subtly lifted up in perhaps amusement.

… _Ryuzaki, you're so dead._


	8. Morning Commotion

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Morning Commotion**

When Light woke up that morning, he immediately noticed that something was wrong. Normally, the first thing he would be greeted with was the sight of a fully awake Ryuzaki sitting in her odd way and passing her eyes through some documents, but today she was still curled up in her blanket, which had been tugged to almost the top of her unruly head. After staring at the curious lump beside him for one full minute, he decided to go simple.

"Ryuzaki."

"…Yes?" Her voice was muffled by the blanket.

"It's already morning."

"I'm aware of that."

"Then why aren't you coming out?"

"I'm not feeling like it."

"…"

Now he was getting worried. It was not like her to be unreasonable like this. "Pardon me." Steeling himself, he pulled down the blanket from her head, and what he saw almost stopped his breath. Ryuzaki was naturally pale, but now her ghastly look was beyond unhealthy; her complexion was as white as a sheet with a sheen of sweat on her forehead.

Immediately alarmed, he leaned over to get a better look of her face. "Ryuzaki, what's the matter!?"

"There's nothing to worry about."

"Apparently, there is _everything_ to worry about! Why do you look like fainting any moment now?"

She opened her bleary eyes, her brows knitted in a frown. "It's merely blood loss."

Now Light felt like fainting himself. Although Ryuzaki definitely could not be described as healthy, yesterday she still had seemed fine and sound. How could she be bleeding all of a sudden? Had she abruptly come down with something grievous? He tried to remain as calm as possible while his mind rationalized the situation. "First hemostasis, then I'll call the doctor."

As he was about to get up for the first aid kit, her hand reached out to grab his wrist. "I'm all right, Light-kun. This happens every month."

...

...

... _Oh._

Light felt his face heat up as the final pieces fit into place. Recalling that his dear mother also had that time of the month, during which she would look relatively sick and be generally ill-humoured, he finally had a grasp on the situation. Divided between relief and embarrassment, he asked tentatively, "How bad is it?"

"Worse than sugar deprivation."

"I see." He grimaced inwardly. By Ryuzaki's standard, that must be quite horrible. Not being in a life-threatening situation did not equate to no suffering, and it was utterly frustrating that with all his intelligence, there was nothing much he could do to alleviate her anguish. "You should rest today."

"No."

"Get a look at yourself! All you can do now is worrying everyone."

His ill-looking companion got up shakily, her normally matter-of-fact voice hoarse and weak. "Time doesn't wait for us. As I have promised your father, I only have less than a month left."

"Sometimes haste makes waste, you know."

"Who do you think I am?"

" _Ryuzaki._ " His voice got a dangerous edge. He had known that she could be quite pertinacious when her cases were concerned, but to disregard one's health for the sake of them was totally absurd.

"…" She just looked at him in silent defiance.

A staring match ensued. After a long moment, it seemed the stubborn detective finally gave up. With a small sigh, she sank back into the mattress and tiredly closed her eyes. "Only half a day."

"Deal."

"Sometimes you really get on my nerves, Light-kun."

"Right back at you." His lips curving into a small, triumphant smile, he reached out to comb her hair. Probably not many individuals could see this sulky side of her, and somehow he felt a childish privilege to be one of them. "I'll let the others know we'll be absent this morning."

"And would you please call Watari? He'll know what to bring." With that, Ryuzaki tugged the blanket over her head, and thus effectively ended their conversation.

After blinking a few times, it finally occurred to him that she had just gotten her small revenge on him.

… _How am I supposed to explain the situation to Watari without experiencing_ that _embarrassment again?_


	9. Melancholy

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Melancholy**

"Ryuzaki, where are we going?"

Light asked vexedly as he was half-dragged up the stairs by the handcuffs.

"The rooftop," Ryuzaki replied flatly without even looking his way.

"Huh?" His brows creased in annoyed confusion, but since she seemed unwilling to give any more explanation, he decided to remain silent for the rest of their little trip.

Earlier that day, Misa's spontaneous cooperation had paid off, and now the investigation was progressing much more smoothly. Now that the current Kira had been pinpointed, all that was left was to elucidate the killing method and then arrest the culprit. In contrast to the optimistic atmosphere in the investigation team, however, Ryuzaki had seemed more pensive than usual. After efficiently formulating their next strategy and giving instructions to everyone, the detective had wordlessly exited the room, and thanks to their blasted handcuffs, he had been dragged away with her in the process.

After climbing stairs after stairs, they finally reached her destination.

"A greenhouse?" He asked in astonishment. This was one of the last things he had expected to see in this building.

"Watari's hobby." She explained shortly before opening the door and going inside. Still perplexed, Light silently followed her and was greeted with an impressive array of flowers of all kinds and colours. He wondered idly whether there was anything the old gentleman could not do. The matter at hand was more important, though.

"What's the matter, Ryuzaki?"

"I just need to clear my mind a little bit."

The detective stopped in front of a small patch of yellow tulips. Her apathetic gaze was directed at the flowers, but Light was not sure if she was really seeing them. Although she was within his reach, it seemed as if she were somewhere faraway.

After a moment in thought, Ryuzaki finally spoke up. "Kira will be caught soon."

"Then why don't you seem happy in the least?"

"The problem is what happens _after_ that."

"So you think that Higuchi is merely a pawn in a much greater scheme?"

"Yes. Possibly in the previous Kira's plan."

Light chose not to comment on this point; since she still firmly believed that he himself was the previous Kira, he would only be futilely defending himself by stating any opinion here.

"If the previous Kira started all this nonsense because he despaired with humanity…" Crouching down, she reached out to one of the flowers, her fingertips barely touching the petals. "I wish I could make him see that there's still some beauty left in this ugly world." She went quiet for a brief moment, and then her hand was drawn back to her knee. "But it might be too late now."

"You talk as if you know him very well."

Ryuzaki looked up, her gaze directed at him meaningfully. "Maybe I do, or maybe I don't." Then her lips curved into a wistful smile. "I'm not really sure anymore."

If it were any other day, Light might have been irked by her suggestive comments, but there was something different about her current atmosphere that made him feel troubled instead; it was not like her to be so pessimistic and disconfident like this.

"Have some faith in yourself. From what I've seen so far, you can do pretty much anything."

Returning her eyes to the tulips, she shook her head and slowly rose to her feet. "There're many things I'm incapable of, and many people that I've failed to save. All I can do is keep trying my best."

Now Light was at a loss for words. Never had he seen Ryuzaki so vulnerable. Had she always been hiding this insecurity, or had something abruptly gotten it to her? Before he could decide, any hints of frailty were gone from her face, and she was her old self again.

"Sorry for wasting your time. Let's go back, Light-kun." Without waiting for his response, she turned her back to him and started heading for the door.

"No." This single word stopped the detective in her track, and she looked over her shoulder curiously. Somehow, that puzzled look on her face drove his desperation further. After this past few months, did she not understand in the least how the dynamics between them, at least for him, had changed?

"You're mistaken."

"Pardon?" Now her full attention was on him as she turned around.

"None of any of _this_ is a waste. Not a single thing."

Her normally inexpressive eyes widened in something akin to astonishment as she looked at him in a silent demand for more explanation.

"How else could we have met?"

Light would have laughed at the rare sight of a baffled Ryuzaki as she registered the meaning of his words if he had not been solemnly serious on this subject. He had never felt more alive than in the past several months, and whether he would like to admit it or not, this was mostly because of this brilliant and valiant detective who had audaciously made her way into his dull life.

A long silence fell between them; one was deep in thought while the other was waiting. Finally, a small smile spread across her lips, and it was Light's turn to be baffled by her words.

"I have a feeling that I'd have found you anyway." Her smile subtly widened into a childlike one, the kind that he had never seen before. "Who do you think I am?"

Unfamiliar warmth spread through him as his eyes crinkled in a smile. "A nerd with an obnoxious sweet tooth."

She pouted. "Do you wish for a kick in the face?"

A heartful laughter escaped his lips. Light could not recall the last time he had had such a good laugh, the kind that made tears spring at the corners of his eyes. "Just kidding. Don't be so sulky, Ryuzaki."

"I'm not sulking." The pout on her lips suggested otherwise though.

After laughing some more, he reached out to ruffle her hair. "Let's get back to work, shall we?"

Half-heartedly swatting his hand away, the sullen detective stuffed her hands in her pockets and resumed walking, and Light followed her with a much lightened heart. Yes, she was definitely the best thing that had ever happened to him.

If only he were aware of the fate awaiting both of them.


	10. Nightmare

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 10: Nightmare**

 _All he could see was red._

 _It was red everywhere: his hands, his clothes, the floor, the ceiling, but most importantly, the very person in his arms._

 _His heart froze as he recognized who it was._

" _Ryuzaki!"_

 _She gave him no reply, merely staring back with widened, lifeless eyes._

His eyes flew open as cold sweats ran down his face. Breathing shakily, Light waited out a wave of nausea, and when his eyes finally focused, the familiar ceiling of their bedroom came into view. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm himself down.

… _It all was just a dream._

Still, he could not wipe the bad taste out of his mouth. Apparently, staring blankly at the ceiling was not helping much, so he turned onto his side where he could see the very person in his troubled mind.

Ryuzaki was sitting against the headboard with her knees against her chest. He knew she was still awake since her head was turned toward the window on her side. It seemed she felt his stare, for she slowly directed her gaze at him, her shadowed face unreadable.

"Aren't you going to sleep?"

"I was just thinking."

"Of what?"

She turned back to the window. A full moon was shining in the dark velvet sky, its pale light softly illuminating her silhouette. Just when he thought he would not get another word from her tonight, she looked back at him with a small smile playing about her lips.

"What do you think?"

Under the dim moonlight, there seemed to be something ethereal about her silhouette. Her ebony hair was glowing softly, and her pale skin turned ivory. She looked as if she would disappear any moment now, and this revived his fear from the nightmare earlier.

"Ryuzaki."

"Yes?"

"Are you really here?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "Do I look like a phantasm?"

Frustrated, he got up and leaned closer, his eyes looking straight into her apathetic ones. "Are you really here?"

"What if I say no?"

Before his rational mind could object, she was enclosed in his arms. Ryuzaki instantly stiffened in his embrace, but he could not care less. Now, all that mattered was the faint pulses he could feel from the crook of her neck where he had buried his face. She was soft and warm and _real_ , and definitely not a figment of his imagination.

After a few moments, she finally relaxed in his arms, and her voice was less flat than usual when she asked, "Did you have a bad dream?"

If she had been awake, she must have noticed that he indeed had had a nightmare, so he remained silent and tightened his hug instead.

Suddenly, a sharp pain on his face made itself known, forcing his arms to loosen reflexively "!?"

"Do you believe me now?"

"Why did you have to pinch my face!?"

"Because you were so skeptical of my existence." Her flat reply only worsened his indignation.

"Couldn't you have been a bit gentler?"

"A bit gentler?" The renowned detective tilted her head in thought. "Alright."

Before he could respond, the small gap between them was closed, and something very soft and warm was pressed against his throbbing cheek.

Freezing in his place, Light stared at her with widened eyes. Had she just done what he thought she had? He felt like a part of his brain might have just died as his mind went completely blank. Now his face must have heated up several shades of crimson, though.

In contrast to her nonplussed companion, Ryuzaki looked as dispassionate as always. "Satisfied now?"

Her small, triumphant smile shook him out of a stupor. "Have you ever heard of _moderation_?"

"It seems you have a very curious set of criteria, Light-kun. _In many ways._ "

Ignoring the provocative implications, he retorted. "Look who's talking."

"Me, apparently."

With her matter-of-fact response, his childish indignation quickly deflated into resignation. Suddenly taken over by fatigue and embarrassment, he sank back into the mattress and tiredly closed his eyes. "Sorry for even asking."

Before Light could drift away into sleep, a familiar scent of vanilla and cinnamon wafted through his nose. As his eyes flew open again, he found her dark-rimmed eyes at a very uncomfortable proximity. He would have given her a piece of his mind about the propriety of a lady if something in her normally monotonous eyes had not stopped him.

"Just remember one thing." Her voice was barely a whisper. Somehow, he could not take his eyes off hers. "There're as many definitions of justice as the number of people in this world, and some of them just couldn't coexist." She leaned a bit closer. "Although in the end, the victors get to define 'justice', never apologize for what you believe in."

Before he could formulate a reply, she retreated to a respectable distance, and her shadowed complexion became unreadable again as the moon outside hid behind some passing clouds.

"That's what I was pondering on. Good night, Light-kun."

"Wait." Before she disappeared under her blanket, his hand reached across the distance that separated them and pulled her into his arms. If Ryuzaki thought something was going to happen, then it definitely _would_. Although Light had no solid idea of what would transpire, he had a feeling that their time together would soon come to an end. "Can we stay like this tonight?"

Although she gave him no verbal consent, she wriggled a bit in his arms, probably trying to find a more comfortable position. "You indeed have very peculiar criteria, you know?"

He just smiled to the crown of her head and closed his eyes.


	11. Interlude

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 11: Interlude**

It was a bizarre thing to be experiencing triumph and nausea at the same time.

The air inside the helicopter was thick and heavy, and the loud noise ringing through the headphone he was wearing rang distantly in his ears. The notebook felt cold in his hand, looking as harmless as any bundle of papers could have looked, but now he knew otherwise.

More precisely, now he _remembered_.

 _I won._

A cold sweat ran down his face as he gazed at the death god that was scaring the shit out of everyone outside.

 _I won. All of this will be over soon._

It took a surprising amount of his iron will to just remain seemingly calm when his insides were literally turning upside down.

"Light-kun?"

His gaze was slowly turned to the person beside him, and he was met with a familiar flat, piercing stare.

"Are you alright?" There was no hint of concern whatsoever in her voice, though.

The detective was sitting in that strange way of hers. The light from outside shone brightly through the window glass, making her normally pale complexion look even more pallid, contrasting with the sharp look in her dark-rimmed eyes. Even in such a situation, she was still observing him composedly.

"Ah, I'm fine. Just a bit disturbed." He turned his gaze back to the unworldly being. "So death gods really do exist, huh?"

"So it seems." The detective also turned her stare back to the death god and resumed giving instructions to the troubled colleagues outside.

 _She has been right all along, but that doesn't matter anymore._

Her voice gradually faded away as he tried to sort out a horribly jumbled mess of emotions. This would take some more time. Anyway, now he had an important task on his hand.

Light discreetly reached for his wristwatch.


	12. Miscalculation

Disclaimer: Death Note is owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

 **Chapter 12: Miscalculation**

Cold breezes of autumn night grazed her cheeks and combed through her hair. Hints of fragrance from numerous kinds of flowers drifted through her nose as she sat down on the bench behind the small greenhouse. The dark sky was dotted here and there by numerous stars, making quite a picturesque view from the rooftop.

In addition to the fact that this place was one of the rare blind spots for surveillance cameras in this building, all these little things help soothe her grated nerves. So many things had happened during the past few days: the death of Higuchi, the existence of the death gods, the cursed notebook and its inconsistent rules, and most importantly, _the absence of the other notebook._

This case was far from over.

On top of all these problems, Light and Misa, the first and only suspects so far, were finally granted relative freedom today. She knew it was _just wrong_ , but there had been no concrete and indisputable reasons not to do so.

She bit her thumb in irritation. Somehow, her instinct told her that time was running out.

Of course, extreme measures could be taken. Not long before, she would gladly take all the responsibilities and faults to save the world from this atrocious crime of genocide, but now…

"Ryuzaki."

A familiar voice pulled the detective out of her train of thoughts. She slowly turned her gaze from the starry sky above to the person that must have been the very cause of all these problems.

Yagami Light was standing at the other end of the bench. His brown eyes seemed to glow under the pale moonlight. She frowned mentally at the fact that she had been taken off guard, but that was not the major problem now. Something had been off with his air since the death of Higuchi, and tonight the difference seemed more prominent than ever.

"Light-kun" She acknowledged softly.

"May I join you?"

"Suit yourself."

At her flat approval, he sat down wordlessly. Although their shoulders were barely touching, at this moment, any two persons could not have been further away from each other as they were now.

Gentle breezes blew past them, disturbing the heavy silence that had fallen over the bench.

"What were you doing here?"

"What _are_ you doing here?"

A pregnant pause ensued.

"Just pondering about time." He toyed with his wristwatch for a brief moment and took it off before handing it to her.

For a tiniest moment, confusion filled her mind, but then all the pieces fell into place, leaving her even more perplexed. She knew what was wrong with this watch, but not a clue why it was handed to her here and now.

 _Why was he doing this?_

Staring at him, she said flatly, "I didn't know you wished for a death sentence by my hand this much."

Yagami Light did the most unexpected thing; he _smiled_. "I know you won't."

"Why?"

"Yellow tulips." He turned his gaze to the greenhouse behind and shrugged casually with an air of utmost confidence. "You took me here once, remember?"

Of course, she remembered, but that was not the biggest problem here. _"Why?"_

"So far, you're the smartest person I've ever met. However, there's one thing you've mistaken about me." His eyes were back on her. "My primary motive was _boredom_ rather than a sense of justice."

What a terrible thing to hear. In many different meanings.

"Everything went mostly as I planned …except for one thing."

"That is?"

"The world without you has become boredom itself."

Before her mind could fully process this information, he leant a bit closer and whispered. "So I'll let you choose, Ryuzaki, how to continue this little game of ours."

She looked into his eyes and then at the piece of metal in her hand. Silence fell between them as her intellect turned over numerous facts and possibilities. Finally, she found her answer, and her lips curved upward at its simplicity.

Somewhere along the way, her justice had somehow changed from saving the world from Kira to saving him from himself, and if it would take her soul to save his, then so be it.

Her voice was calm and quiet. "I will shoulder half of your sins."

"At what cost?"

"Save more lives than you've taken …by my side."

It was the first time she saw a genuine smile that suited his age. "Don't ever make me bored."

Smiling back challengingly, she took his hand and placed the watch back on it. "Never."

"Deal."


End file.
